life as we make it

when i was 19, my bestfriend died of cancer. this is the person i ate recess with everyday since 2nd grade;  hang-out with every weekend for 12 years. she was the friend i looked forward to growing old with.  her own brother mistook me to be her at one point because we were inseparable.  her passing was such a numbing experience.  but time helped make it fade away.

i have experienced many deaths since then: great-grandmothers, grandmothers, grandfather.  each one left a void.

with each passing , there’s the loss, the hurt and the regret that you didn’t do as much with them as you could have.  and you will never get the chance again.

my mother-in-law is now succumbing to cancer. she is deteriorating before my eyes. the doctor said she had a few weeks to live. i have recently spent more time with her than I have in five years.  unfortunately, they were not the best of times.

i had thought knowing about the inevitability of passing would make it easier. it doesn’t.